Exploring What It Takes to Be Successful in Life.

Money | Relationships | Progress

What does it really take to be successful in life?

It's a question that has occupied my thoughts for some time.

Not simply what it takes to become wealthy, build a successful career, establish a business or achieve recognition.

But what it takes to live a life that, when we look back on it, we can genuinely regard as successful.

I find this question fascinating because almost everyone wants to be successful, yet we don't necessarily agree on what success means.

For one person, success may be financial independence.

For another, it may be raising happy, healthy children.

Someone else may consider success to be overcoming adversity, finding meaningful work, enjoying peace of mind or making a positive difference in other people's lives.

And perhaps all these perspectives have something important to teach us.

But there is something else I have been wondering.

If we cannot clearly explain what success means to us, how do we know whether the life we are living is actually taking us towards it?

The Success We Inherit

I have noticed how easily our understanding of success can be shaped by the world around us.

From an early age, we encounter expectations about what a successful life should look like.

Work hard. Get an education. Find a good job. Earn a respectable income. Buy a home. Build a family. Accumulate wealth. Achieve something noteworthy.

There is nothing inherently wrong with these ambitions.

Many of them are worthwhile.

But I wonder how often we stop to ask whether the version of success we are pursuing is genuinely our own.

Are we working towards something we deeply value?

Or are we simply following a script we inherited?

Sometimes we can spend years climbing a ladder before examining whether it is leaning against the wall we actually want to climb.

We may achieve what we set out to achieve, only to discover that the satisfaction we expected does not quite arrive.

Not necessarily because the achievement is worthless.

But perhaps because achievement and fulfilment are not always the same thing.

It is possible to succeed at something without necessarily succeeding at living the life we truly value.

That distinction deserves attention.

Money Matters — But What Is It For?

As a Chartered Accountant, I have spent a considerable part of my professional life working with money, financial information, businesses and the decisions people make about their resources.

And one thing I have come to appreciate is that money is far too important to be treated casually.

It enables us to meet our needs, honour our obligations, support the people we care about and pursue opportunities that might otherwise remain beyond our reach.

Financial difficulties can place enormous pressure on individuals and families.

They can restrict choices, strain relationships and make it difficult to think beyond immediate needs.

So when I speak about living a successful life, I cannot ignore money.

But I also cannot accept that the amount of money someone possesses is, by itself, an adequate measure of their success in life.

Consider someone earning an impressive income but living under constant financial pressure because their commitments continually exceed their resources.

Or a person who has accumulated considerable wealth but has little time to enjoy life, nurture relationships or attend to their wellbeing.

Now consider another person whose income is more modest but whose financial affairs are well managed, whose essential needs are met and whose resources support a life they genuinely value.

Who is more successful?

The answer is not necessarily obvious.

And that is precisely the point.

There is a difference between having money and being successful with money.

For me, being successful with money means developing the ability to earn, manage, protect and use financial resources wisely in support of a worthwhile life.

Money is important.

But perhaps the more interesting question is what we want money to make possible.

We Do Not Live Our Lives Alone

There is another dimension of success that I find equally compelling.

Relationships.

Think about the most meaningful moments in your life.

The people who encouraged you when you were uncertain.

Those who helped you through difficult circumstances.

The individuals who opened doors, shared knowledge or challenged you to grow.

The family members, friends, colleagues and others whose presence made life richer.

Now consider the other side.

Relationships that have caused pain.

Trust that has been broken.

Conflict that has consumed emotional energy.

Misunderstandings that have affected important decisions.

The influence of relationships on our experiences can be profound.

My professional experience in social work has reinforced something I had already come to appreciate through life itself: people cannot always be understood independently of their relationships and circumstances.

Our choices are influenced by the environments in which we live, the experiences we have had and the connections we maintain.

That does not mean we have no personal responsibility.

It means our lives unfold within a wider human context.

And this raises an important question.

What part does the quality of our relationships play in the success we experience?

I believe it plays a significant part.

But I would go further.

It is not simply about having the right people around us.

It is also about who we are in our relationships.

Are we trustworthy?

Do we listen?

Do we honour our commitments?

Are we willing to understand perspectives different from our own?

Do we contribute positively to the lives of those around us?

Do we treat people with dignity, including when we disagree?

And perhaps most importantly, are we building relationships because we recognise the humanity of others, or merely because we believe they can help us get somewhere?

I find that last question particularly important.

People are not simply instruments for our success. Meaningful relationships are themselves part of a successful life.

And Then There Is Progress

I have also been reflecting on the importance of progress.

There is something deeply human about wanting life to move forward.

We want to improve our circumstances.

We want to develop our abilities.

We want to overcome difficulties, pursue ambitions and experience the satisfaction of accomplishing something worthwhile.

But progress is an interesting concept.

Because movement and progress are not necessarily the same thing.

We can be incredibly busy without moving closer to anything meaningful.

We can accumulate more possessions without improving our quality of life.

We can become more accomplished professionally while neglecting important aspects of our personal lives.

And sometimes, we can spend so much time preparing to act that preparation itself becomes a substitute for action.

I have come to believe that progress must be considered in relation to direction.

Progress towards what?

What are we trying to achieve?

Why does it matter?

What will it require?

And are the things we are doing actually moving us towards that outcome?

These questions are central to how I think about meaningful progress.

But there is another consideration.

Progress does not always mean moving faster, earning more or continually achieving bigger things.

Sometimes progress means recovering from a setback.

Sometimes it means repairing a relationship.

Sometimes it means learning to live within our means.

Sometimes it means recognising that something we once wanted no longer reflects what matters to us.

And sometimes it means finding the courage to stop pursuing a path that is taking us in the wrong direction.

Not every step forward is visible to the outside world.

The Connections We Often Overlook

The more I reflect on these matters, the more I see money, relationships and progress as interconnected dimensions of life.

Consider someone who wants to establish a business.

Their ambition represents a desire for progress.

But turning that ambition into reality may require financial resources, knowledge, skills and effective money management.

It will probably also involve relationships with customers, collaborators, suppliers, advisers and perhaps family members whose support or understanding matters.

Now consider someone experiencing difficulties in their marriage or family life.

The immediate concern may be relational.

But financial pressures, competing priorities, work commitments or uncertainty about the future may be contributing factors.

Making progress may require more than improved communication. It might also involve changes in financial behaviour, expectations or daily routines.

Or consider a person who feels stuck in life.

They may have the necessary abilities but lack confidence.

They may have clear ambitions but insufficient resources.

They may have financial opportunities but struggle with decisions.

Or they may be surrounded by circumstances that make meaningful change particularly difficult.

Rarely is the whole picture captured by looking at just one dimension.

This is why I have chosen to organise much of my thinking around three interconnected areas:

Money | Relationships | Progress.

Not because they explain everything about life.

They do not.

Health, opportunity, social conditions, personal circumstances, chance and many other influences matter enormously.

But I believe these three provide useful lenses through which to explore many of the questions that arise as we seek to live well.

There Is Also the Question of Who We Become

Perhaps one of the most overlooked dimensions of success is the person we become while pursuing it.

We can spend a great deal of time thinking about what we want to have and what we want to achieve.

But what about who we are becoming?

Are we developing good judgement?

Are we learning to act with integrity?

Are we becoming more conscious of our decisions and their consequences?

Are we growing in our ability to understand others?

Are we developing the discipline to follow through on worthwhile commitments?

And are we becoming more capable of experiencing gratitude, contentment and peace, even as we continue working towards our ambitions?

I don't believe that living successfully requires us to become flawless human beings.

That would be an impossible standard.

We will make mistakes.

We will misunderstand situations.

We will sometimes act from fear rather than conviction.

We will occasionally pursue things that turn out not to be worth pursuing.

And life will confront us with circumstances we did not anticipate.

But perhaps success has something to do with how consciously we engage with these realities.

Our willingness to learn.

Our capacity to reconsider assumptions.

Our ability to take responsibility where appropriate.

And our determination to keep moving forward without losing sight of what matters.

Success Is Not a Competition

There is another thought I want to explore.

What if our constant comparison with other people is interfering with our understanding of success?

Someone else may have a larger home, a more profitable business, an impressive career or greater public recognition.

But we rarely know the complete circumstances of another person's life.

We do not necessarily know what they have sacrificed, what they are struggling with or what they value most.

Nor do we always appreciate the challenges they have overcome.

So I am increasingly reluctant to measure the success of one life against the visible achievements of another.

Different people begin from different circumstances.

They have different responsibilities, opportunities, abilities, aspirations and challenges.

And they may value very different things.

A successful life need not look the same for everyone.

What matters is whether we are living in ways that align with our considered values, meeting our responsibilities as best we can and making meaningful progress within the realities of our circumstances.

That seems to me a more humane and useful way of approaching success.

So, What Does It Really Take?

I don't pretend to have discovered a definitive formula for living a successful life.

Indeed, I suspect that anyone claiming to possess a universal formula should be approached with a healthy degree of curiosity.

Human life is too varied and complex for simplistic answers.

But I believe there is enormous value in continuing to explore the question.

What does it take to become successful with money?

What does it take to cultivate meaningful relationships?

What does it take to make sound decisions?

What does it take to move beyond knowing what we should do and actually doing it?

What does it take to overcome adversity without allowing it to define the rest of our lives?

What does it take to live according to our convictions rather than being governed entirely by fear?

And perhaps most importantly, what does it take to experience a sense of fulfilment while still recognising that there is more we can learn, contribute and achieve?

These are some of the questions that fascinate me.

They also explain why I have come to see accounting, social work, business, human behaviour, philosophy and personal development not simply as separate disciplines, but as different sources of insight into the human experience.

Each offers something worth considering.

And the connections between them can sometimes illuminate things that are easy to overlook when we examine life from only one perspective.

An Invitation to Explore

This is the thinking behind Sterling Libs — The Money Sergeant® and the body of work I am developing around Money, Relationships and Progress.

My approach is simple:

Start with life. Explore the connections. Illuminate the way forward.

I want to begin with the things that occupy our minds as we live our lives.

Our hopes.

Our worries.

Our relationships.

Our financial circumstances.

Our decisions.

Our ambitions.

Our experiences of success, disappointment, uncertainty and change.

Then explore the connections that might help us understand those experiences more clearly.

Not merely to accumulate knowledge, but to discover insights that can inform our choices and actions.

Because understanding something is valuable.

But understanding that enables us to live more consciously and act more wisely is even more valuable.

A Question Worth Taking With Us

If someone asked you today whether you were successful in life, what would you say?

Would your answer depend on how much money you earn?

The work you do?

The relationships you have?

Your achievements?

Your peace of mind?

The progress you believe you are making?

Or something else entirely?

And if you were given the opportunity to define success entirely on your own terms, without comparing yourself to anyone else, what would a successful life look like for you?

I believe that is a question worth answering.

Because before we can deliberately move towards a successful life, we need some understanding of what we are trying to create.

And perhaps the journey begins not with doing more, earning more or becoming more accomplished.

Perhaps it begins with becoming more conscious of what genuinely matters.

Then having the courage to organise our lives accordingly.

After all, what is the point of succeeding at everything we do if we never stop to consider whether we are succeeding at life itself?

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Sterling Libs — The Money Sergeant®
Money | Relationships | Progress

Onward with Boldness