Am I Living by My Convictions — or Merely Following My Survival Instinct?

Money | Relationships | Progress

There is a question I have been reflecting on lately.

Am I living my life according to my convictions, or am I being driven primarily by my instinct to survive?

At first, the distinction might not seem particularly important.

After all, isn't survival one of the most fundamental instincts we possess?

We want to remain safe. We want to protect ourselves and the people we love. We want security, stability and some assurance that tomorrow will not bring circumstances we cannot handle.

There is nothing inherently wrong with that.

But something about this question has been troubling me.

What if the very instinct designed to preserve my life is also preventing me from living the life I truly believe in?

The Quiet Power of Survival

When we think about survival, we often imagine extreme situations.

A person escaping danger.

Someone searching desperately for food.

A family trying to find shelter.

An individual facing an immediate threat to life.

In such circumstances, the instinct to survive becomes unmistakable.

But survival does not always announce itself so dramatically.

Sometimes it operates quietly, beneath the surface of ordinary decisions.

It can influence the job we remain in, the relationships we maintain, the opportunities we decline, the conversations we avoid and the ambitions we continually postpone.

We might describe our decisions as practical, responsible or sensible.

And sometimes they genuinely are.

But I wonder how often, beneath those explanations, there is another consideration:

What if something goes wrong?

What if I lose my income?

What if people reject me?

What if I fail?

What if I embarrass myself?

What if I discover that I am not as capable as I thought?

These are understandable concerns.

Yet I have noticed how easily the pursuit of security can become the organising principle of a person's life.

And when that happens, survival may begin to determine not only what we avoid, but also what we allow ourselves to pursue.

Then There Is Conviction

Conviction seems to operate differently.

It begins with something we have come to believe deeply.

A principle we consider worth upholding.

A value we are unwilling to abandon casually.

A direction we believe our life should take.

A responsibility we recognise, even when fulfilling it is uncomfortable.

Conviction asks a different question from survival.

Survival asks:

"Will I be safe?"

Conviction asks:

"Is this what I believe is right?"

Survival is concerned with preservation.

Conviction is concerned with alignment.

And sometimes the two point in different directions.

Imagine someone who believes deeply in honesty but discovers that telling the truth might cost them an opportunity.

Or someone who values freedom but remains in circumstances that feel increasingly restrictive because the alternative carries financial uncertainty.

Or a person who believes they have something worthwhile to contribute to the world but continually postpones putting their ideas forward for fear of criticism.

In each situation, there may be a conflict between what the person values and what feels safest.

And I suspect that conflict is far more common than we realise.

The Decisions That Reveal What Drives Us

It is easy to declare our convictions when nothing is at stake.

We can say we believe in courage, integrity, independence, generosity, love or personal growth.

But convictions become more visible when following them carries a cost.

What happens when honesty threatens our reputation?

When generosity requires sacrifice?

When pursuing an ambition requires us to leave familiar territory?

When maintaining our integrity means declining an attractive opportunity?

When standing by someone we care about becomes inconvenient?

These moments can reveal something important.

Not necessarily whether we are good or bad people, but what is actually governing our choices.

Our stated convictions tell us what we believe. Our decisions under pressure reveal how much authority those convictions have in our lives.

I find that distinction worth sitting with.

Because I can sincerely believe something and still struggle to act consistently with it.

And sometimes, the struggle is not a lack of conviction.

It is the strength of my desire to remain safe.

Money Makes This Conflict Particularly Interesting

Money is one of the areas where the tension between conviction and survival becomes especially visible.

Financial security matters.

Having enough money to meet our needs, fulfil our responsibilities and protect those who depend on us is not merely desirable. It is often essential.

But money can also become a reason for repeatedly postponing decisions we believe are important.

A person may want to pursue meaningful work but remain in an unfulfilling occupation because the income feels too important to risk.

Someone may dream of starting a business but never move beyond the planning stage because they cannot tolerate the possibility of financial loss.

Another person may accumulate substantial wealth and yet continue living in constant fear that it will never be enough.

There is an important distinction here.

Being financially responsible is not the same as being governed by financial fear.

Responsibility examines the risks, considers the consequences, builds appropriate safeguards and makes informed choices.

Fear can sometimes demand absolute certainty before allowing any movement.

And life rarely offers absolute certainty.

This does not mean we should recklessly abandon our responsibilities in pursuit of our convictions.

Quite the opposite.

Perhaps one of the most practical things we can do is build sufficient financial resilience to give our convictions greater room to influence our decisions.

An emergency fund, manageable financial commitments, valuable skills and alternative sources of income can all increase our capacity to make choices without being overwhelmed by immediate financial insecurity.

In that sense, being successful with money can help us create the freedom to live more consistently with what we believe.

Relationships Present Their Own Test

The tension is equally apparent in our relationships.

Consider how often people remain silent because they fear disapproval.

How often do we agree with something we do not believe because we want to belong?

How often do we avoid a necessary conversation because we are afraid of conflict?

How often do we compromise our values to preserve acceptance?

The desire for belonging is deeply human.

Relationships are important to our wellbeing, and the prospect of losing them can be genuinely painful.

Yet there is a difference between maintaining relationships through mutual understanding and maintaining them by continually abandoning ourselves.

This raises another question.

Am I relating to people from a place of love and conviction, or primarily from a fear of losing their acceptance?

The answer may not always be comfortable.

But I believe it is worth exploring.

And conviction itself must be exercised with humility.

Being convinced that we are right does not automatically make us right.

Our convictions deserve examination. They should remain open to evidence, reflection and the perspectives of others.

Otherwise, what we call conviction can quietly become stubbornness.

Can Survival and Conviction Work Together?

The more I reflect on this question, the less convinced I am that survival and conviction must always be enemies.

Survival has a legitimate place in our lives.

It helps us recognise danger, protect ourselves and attend to immediate needs.

Conviction also has a legitimate place.

It gives direction to our choices and helps us distinguish between merely continuing to exist and living in accordance with what matters to us.

Perhaps the problem arises when either operates without the other.

Survival without conviction can leave us endlessly preserving circumstances we no longer believe in.

Conviction without regard for survival can lead us to take unnecessary risks or neglect responsibilities that genuinely matter.

What we need, perhaps, is neither the elimination of survival instinct nor blind obedience to conviction.

We need the wisdom to know when to protect what we have and when to move towards what we believe is worthwhile.

Sometimes the courageous decision is to make a change.

Sometimes the courageous decision is to remain where we are while preparing responsibly for a better opportunity.

Sometimes conviction requires action.

And sometimes it requires patience.

Progress Begins With Awareness

I am beginning to think that one of the most important steps towards meaningful progress is becoming conscious of what is driving our decisions.

Not simply what we say we want.

Not merely what we believe.

But what actually influences our behaviour when we face uncertainty.

Am I choosing this path because it aligns with my values?

Or because it feels familiar?

Am I postponing this ambition because the timing is genuinely wrong?

Or because I am afraid?

Am I maintaining this relationship out of love, commitment and mutual respect?

Or because I cannot imagine the discomfort of change?

Am I pursuing more money because it serves a meaningful purpose?

Or because no amount ever seems sufficient to make me feel secure?

These questions do not always produce immediate answers.

But they can help us see the forces operating beneath our everyday choices.

And greater awareness creates the possibility of more deliberate action.

A Question I Am Leaving With Myself

I don't believe the purpose of life is simply to survive.

But neither do I believe survival should be treated lightly.

There are seasons when getting through the day, protecting our families or maintaining stability demands enormous strength.

Survival in those circumstances is not a failure of conviction.

It may be an expression of it.

Still, when circumstances permit us some freedom to choose, I wonder whether we should ask more of ourselves.

Not recklessness.

Not constant striving.

Not a heroic performance for the approval of others.

But a greater willingness to examine whether our actions reflect what we genuinely believe matters.

Because there is a difference between a life organised entirely around avoiding loss and a life guided by worthwhile convictions.

And perhaps one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is this:

If fear of losing what I have were no longer making my decisions for me, what would I choose to do differently?

I suspect the answer could tell us something important about the life we truly want to live.

And perhaps about the progress we have been postponing.

---

Sterling Libs — The Money Sergeant®
Money | Relationships | Progress

Onward with Boldness

 

Financial Success Means Little If Everything Else Is Falling Apart.

Money | Relationships | Progress

Imagine working incredibly hard for years.

You build a successful career. Your income increases. You acquire investments, property and other valuable assets.

From the outside, everything appears to be good and going well.

You have achieved what many people just dream of and would regard as financial success.

But there is another side to the picture.

Your relationships are strained.

You rarely have time for the people who matter most.

Your health has suffered.

You feel constantly pressured to earn more, acquire more and achieve more.

And despite everything you have accumulated, you struggle to experience the peace and fulfilment you expected success to bring.

It raises an uncomfortable question:

What exactly were you trying to achieve when you set out to become successful with money?

Money Is Important. Let's Not Pretend Otherwise.

I believe money deserves to be taken seriously.

It pays for the necessities of life.

It helps us provide for ourselves and our families.

It can protect us against certain uncertainties, improve our options and make opportunities accessible.

It can enable us to support people and causes that matter to us.

And it can create greater freedom over how we spend our time.

Financial difficulties, on the other hand, can place significant strain on individuals and families.

When there is insufficient money to meet essential needs, the consequences can extend beyond the bank account.

They can affect our choices, relationships, wellbeing and confidence about the future.

So I would never casually suggest that money does not matter.

It matters enormously.

But there is an important distinction between recognising the value of money and making the accumulation of money the ultimate measure of success.

The Difference Between Having Money and Being Successful With Money

Suppose two people earn the same substantial income.

One continually spends more as their income increases. Their financial commitments grow, their debts multiply, and their lifestyle becomes increasingly expensive to maintain.

The other manages their resources deliberately. They meet their obligations, build appropriate reserves, invest for the future and make conscious choices about what matters to them.

Both may appear financially successful from the outside.

But their financial positions could be very different.

Income is not the same as financial security.

Possessions are not necessarily evidence of wealth.

And accumulating wealth does not automatically mean we are using money well.

To be successful with money is not merely to have more of it. It is to develop the ability to earn, manage, protect and use it in ways that genuinely improve our lives.

That is a much more demanding definition of financial success.

What Happens to Our Relationships Along the Way?

Money and relationships can influence one another in profound ways.

Financial pressure can create disagreements over spending, responsibilities, priorities and expectations.

Differences in financial values can become sources of tension between partners.

Business ambitions can demand time and attention that might otherwise have been devoted to family and friends.

But money can also support relationships.

It can help families enjoy meaningful experiences together.

It can reduce certain sources of financial stress.

It can enable generosity, care and support for others.

The important question is not simply how much money we accumulate. No, the important question is what happens to our relationships as we pursue and use that money.

Are our financial choices supporting the life we want to build with the people who matter to us?

Or are we making sacrifices without ever examining whether those sacrifices remain worthwhile?

There are no universal answers to this.

Sometimes pursuing financial stability requires difficult short-term compromises.

Sometimes significant effort today creates greater freedom tomorrow.

But without conscious reflection, temporary sacrifices can quietly become permanent habits, and the life we wanted money to improve may gradually become secondary to the pursuit of money itself.

Progress Towards What?

This brings us to another question.

What does it mean to make progress in life?

Is it earning a higher salary?

Owning a larger home?

Building a more profitable business?

Becoming financially independent?

These can all be worthwhile achievements.

But progress cannot be measured solely by what we acquire. Can it?

What about greater peace of mind?

Healthier relationships?

More control over our time?

The ability to contribute meaningfully to other people's lives?

The freedom to make decisions that align with our values?

Perhaps real progress is not simply about moving forward economically.

It is more about becoming more conscious of the life we are creating as we move forward.

Money should support that progress, not become an unquestioned substitute for it.

The Question Worth Asking

The next time you set a financial goal, consider asking yourself a few questions.

Why do I want this?

What difference will achieving it make to my life?

How might it affect my relationships?

What will it require of me?

And what am I unwilling to sacrifice in pursuit of it?

These questions do not make financial ambition less important.

They give it direction.

Because financial success without clarity of purpose can become an endless pursuit of more.

There is always another income target, another asset, another milestone or another level of wealth to attain. Human desires are bottomless.

Without knowing what enough looks like for us, we may find ourselves pursuing a destination that keeps moving further away. 

A Different Measure of Financial Success

Imagine a person who earns enough to meet their needs, provides responsibly for their family, maintains manageable financial commitments, builds reserves and invests consistently for the future.

They have meaningful relationships, enjoy reasonable control over their time and are making steady progress towards personally worthwhile goals.

They may not be the wealthiest person in the room.

But would you necessarily regard them as less successful with money than someone earning considerably more while living under constant financial and personal strain?

I wouldn't.

Because money is not merely something to accumulate.

It is a resource to manage wisely in service of a life worth living.

So, by all means, work towards becoming successful with money.

Improve your earning ability.

Manage your spending.

Build financial resilience.

Invest wisely.

Create wealth.

But remember why you wanted those things in the first place.

The ultimate aim is not simply to have more money.

It is to make meaningful progress in life, with the resources, relationships and freedom that enable you to live well.

And perhaps that is one of the most important distinctions we can make:

Being wealthy and being successful with money are not necessarily the same thing.

---

Sterling Libs — The Money Sergeant®

Money | Relationships | Progress

Onward with Boldness

 

The People in Your Life Can Influence the Direction of Your Life.

Money | Relationships | Progress

Have you ever looked back at your life and realised how much of its direction was influenced by another person?

Perhaps it was a teacher who saw something in you that you had not yet recognised.

A friend who challenged you to think bigger.

A spouse or partner who stood beside you during a difficult season.

A colleague who introduced you to an opportunity.

Or perhaps the influence was less positive.

Someone whose words caused you to doubt yourself. Someone whose expectations kept you living a life that did not feel like your own. Someone whose behaviour repeatedly drew you into difficulties you might otherwise have avoided.

When we reflect on our lives, it becomes apparent that very few of our experiences unfold entirely independently of other people.

Our relationships can influence what we believe is possible, the decisions we make and the direction in which our lives move.

Relationships Are More Than Social Connections

We often think about relationships in terms of family, marriage, friendships and romantic partnerships.

But our lives are shaped by a much wider network of connections.

We relate to employers, colleagues, customers, clients, neighbours, mentors, teachers, institutions and communities.

We also have a relationship with ourselves.

And in a sense, we have a relationship with money — expressed through our beliefs, attitudes, habits and emotional responses to it.

Every one of these relationships can influence how we experience life.

Consider two people with similar abilities and ambitions.

One has access to encouragement, constructive feedback, reliable support and people willing to share knowledge.

The other faces repeated discouragement, distrust or conflict.

Their opportunities and experiences may differ considerably, even where their individual capabilities are similar.

Of course, relationships are not the only factor. Social conditions, economic resources and access to opportunity also matter.

But relationships can make a meaningful difference.

The Relationships That Move Us Forward

I have increasingly come to believe that progress is not always about discovering something new.

Sometimes it is about recognising the influences already present in our lives.

Think about the people with whom you regularly spend time.

What happens to your thinking after you interact with them?

Do you become clearer about your goals?

Do you feel encouraged to take responsibility for your decisions?

Do you learn something valuable?

Are you challenged constructively, even when the truth is uncomfortable?

Or do you regularly leave those interactions feeling diminished, distracted or discouraged?

It is worth reflecting on these patterns.

Not every worthwhile relationship will make us feel comfortable. Sometimes the people who care about us most will challenge our assumptions and confront us with truths we need to hear.

Equally, not every difficult relationship should simply be discarded. Human relationships require patience, understanding, boundaries, repair and sometimes professional support.

The issue is not to categorise people hastily as good or bad.

It is to become more conscious of how our relationships influence our lives — and how our own behaviour influences the lives of others.

There Is a Financial Dimension Too

Relationships can also have profound financial consequences.

Consider a business partnership.

Two people may have an excellent commercial idea, but if they cannot communicate, honour agreements or resolve disagreements, the business may struggle despite its financial potential.

Think about a household.

Two people may earn reasonable incomes, yet conflicting financial priorities, secrecy or repeated disagreements about money can create ongoing tension.

In professional life, trust, reputation, collaboration and the ability to work effectively with others can influence our earning opportunities.

And sometimes the greatest financial contribution another person makes to our life is not money at all.

It may be knowledge.

An introduction.

Encouragement.

Constructive criticism.

A willingness to share an opportunity.

Or simply providing the stability and support that enables us to pursue something worthwhile.

This does not mean we should value relationships according to their financial usefulness.

Quite the opposite.

Relationships have intrinsic value. Their influence on money and progress is one important consequence of something much more human.

But What About the Person in the Mirror?

Here is where I think the conversation becomes particularly interesting.

It is easy to examine the people around us.

We can identify those who support us, those who disappoint us and those we wish would behave differently.

But what happens when we turn the same attention towards ourselves?

What experience do other people have of being in a relationship with us?

Are we trustworthy?

Do we listen to understand, or merely wait for our turn to speak?

Do we encourage the ambitions of people close to us?

Are we generous with our knowledge, time and appreciation?

Do we take responsibility when we are wrong?

Are we the kind of person with whom others can build something meaningful?

These questions matter because relationships are not simply things we possess.

They are experiences we help create.

And the quality of those experiences depends, in part, on how we participate in them.

A Moment of Reflection

Perhaps one of the most valuable exercises we can undertake is a quiet review of our relationships.

Not to judge people.

Not to calculate who is useful to us.

But to become more conscious of the connections shaping our lives.

Who helps you become a better version of yourself?

Who can you learn from?

Which relationships need more care, honesty or attention?

Where might healthier boundaries be necessary?

And perhaps most importantly:

How are you showing up in the relationships that matter most to you?

Our progress in life is influenced by many things. Money is one of them. Relationships are another.

The two are often more connected than we realise.

So, as we work towards better financial circumstances and meaningful progress, perhaps we should pay greater attention to the quality of the relationships we are building along the way.

Because sometimes the next significant change in our lives begins not with a new opportunity, but with a new way of relating.

---

Sterling Libs — The Money Sergeant®

Money | Relationships | Progress

Your Dreams May Be Free, But Bringing Them to Life Rarely Is.

Money | Relationships | Progress

There is something wonderful about the human ability to dream.

You can sit in a small room and imagine owning a beautiful home. You can picture yourself travelling the world, starting a business, giving your children opportunities you never had, or living a life in which you have greater freedom over your time.

None of those dreams costs you a penny.

You can dream as big as you like, as often as you like, for as long as you like.

But there is a difference between having a dream and bringing that dream to life.

And that difference deserves our attention.

The Price of Possibility

Most of the things we want to achieve in life require resources.

Sometimes those resources are time, knowledge, physical effort, discipline or courage.

Very often, they also include money.

The aspiring entrepreneur may have a brilliant business idea but needs capital to bring it to market.

The parent who wants to provide better opportunities for their children may need money for education, activities, travel or a more suitable home.

The person who dreams of greater independence may need sufficient savings and investments to reduce their dependence on employment.

Even something as seemingly simple as spending more time with the people we love can depend on having enough financial flexibility to make that choice.

This is why I believe that if we want to bring our dreams, desires and ambitions to fulfilment, becoming successful with money is an important part of the journey.

Not because money is everything.

But because money influences so many of the choices available to us.

But Money Does Not Arrive in Isolation

Here is something else worth considering.

How do we actually earn money?

For most of us, we earn money by providing something that somebody else values.

An employer pays us for our contribution. A customer pays us for a product or service. A client pays us for our expertise. An investor earns returns through participation in businesses and markets.

Behind much of our economic activity are human relationships.

Think about your own life.

Who introduced you to an opportunity?

Who believed in you before you believed in yourself?

Who taught you something that changed your earning potential?

Who encouraged you to apply for that job, start that business, pursue that qualification or take a chance on yourself?

And equally, have there been relationships that discouraged you, diminished your confidence or persuaded you to abandon something that mattered to you?

These questions are not trivial.

The quality and nature of our relationships can influence both the opportunities available to us and our willingness to pursue them.

But there is another side to this.

It is not simply about surrounding ourselves with the right people.

We must also consider how we show up in our relationships.

Are we dependable? Do we keep our word? Do we treat people well? Do we create value? Are we willing to learn, contribute and collaborate?

The kind of person we are in our relationships can shape the opportunities we create and the trust we earn.

Dreams Need More Than Enthusiasm

I have come to appreciate that excitement about a dream is not the same as commitment to its fulfilment.

A dream becomes more tangible when we begin asking different questions.

What exactly do I want?

What will it require?

What resources do I already have?

What must I learn, earn, save, develop or change?

Whose support, expertise or collaboration might help?

And most importantly, what am I prepared to do about it?

These questions move us from imagination towards execution.

There is no guarantee that every dream will become reality. Life is more complex than that. Circumstances, opportunity, health and events beyond our control also influence outcomes.

But we can improve our readiness to act on the opportunities that come our way.

Bringing It Back to You

Perhaps there is something you have wanted to do for years.

A business you want to establish.

A qualification you want to pursue.

A home you want to own.

A family experience you want to create.

Or simply a life with fewer financial pressures and more freedom to choose.

Whatever it is, I invite you to think about it from three perspectives:

Progress: What meaningful step could move you closer to that ambition?

Money: What financial resources or capabilities would support that step?

Relationships: Which relationships could help you move forward, and what kind of person must you become within them?

The aim is not to reduce every dream to money.

It is to recognise the practical foundations that often make dreams achievable.

Dreaming is a wonderful human capacity.

But a dream that matters deserves more than our imagination.

It deserves a plan, resources, worthwhile relationships and the courage to begin.

---

Sterling Libs — The Money Sergeant®

Money | Relationships | Progress